My friend's siddur opens this blessing differently. Which of us is right?
Your siddur opens this blessing with "Ahavat Olam," everlasting love. A friend who davens Ashkenaz (the custom of most Jews with Central and Eastern European roots) opens it with "Ahavah Rabbah," great love. The argument goes back to the Gemara (the rabbis' discussions built on the Mishnah, finished about 1,500 years ago).
In Berakhot 11b, Rav Yehudah says in Shmuel's name that the opening is "Ahavah Rabbah." A teaching quoted next ends with the Rabbis saying "Ahavat Olam," and they bring a verse: "I have loved you with an everlasting love."
The Rif (Rabbi Yitzchak Alfasi, 1000s), who boiled the Gemara down to its rulings, followed the Rabbis. So did the Rambam (Maimonides, 1100s). Rabbi Yosef Karo, in his Beit Yosef (a commentary on the Tur), adds that this is the custom of Sefarad, meaning Spain. The Aruch HaShulchan (a law code from the late 1800s) says it plainly: Ahavah Rabbah is the Ashkenaz text and Ahavat Olam is the Sefard text.
Ashkenaz went another way. The Tur says the Geonim (heads of the Babylonian academies, about 1,000 years ago) settled the argument by splitting it: Ahavah Rabbah in the morning, Ahavat Olam at night, so both opinions are honored. Abudarham says some Geonim did rule that way, and one, Mar Sar Shalom, wrote that his academy had started doing it. But two later Geonim, Rabbeinu Sherira and Rabbeinu Hai, wrote that they did not believe Mar Sar Shalom had said so. In Nehardea, they wrote, nobody ever said Ahavah Rabbah, morning or evening. Abudarham adds that in his day the custom had followed them.
One more twist. In the Gemara as we print it, the teaching says "do not say Ahavat Olam, say Ahavah Rabbah." In the Rif, and in Abudarham's quote of the same teaching, it says the opposite. The Aruch HaShulchan notices this and says he is surprised the earlier law authorities never mention our Gemara's wording.
So neither siddur is a mistake. Each community kept the opening its own teachers ruled for, and even the Gemara's text has come down in two versions.
Berakhot 11b,Tur and Beit Yosef, Orach Chaim 60,Aruch HaShulchan, Orach Chaim 60:1,Abudarham, Blessings on the Shema,Rambam, Laws of Reading the Shema 1:6The prayer says God has loved us forever. What if I don't feel it?
The first two words are a quote. In Yirmeyahu (Jeremiah) 31:3, God says: "I have loved you with an everlasting love, so I drew you on with kindness." The verse before it says: "The people who survived the sword found favor in the wilderness." In the verse, the line comes right after a description of survivors, not people having an easy time.
The Tanach itself admits that people doubt it. In Malachi 1:2, God says, "I have loved you," and the people answer, "How have You loved us?"
Rav Kook (the first Chief Rabbi of the Land of Israel, who died in 1935) points to that exchange in his commentary on the blessings of the Shema. He is not soft on the question. He calls the people who ask "How have You loved us?" complainers of little faith, in every generation and most of all in his own, which he saw as a time when redemption was starting to show. His answer is the end of the same verse in Malachi, "I loved Yaakov," and then the words of this prayer.
What does love look like inside the prayer? Abudarham ties the word "pity" in the first line to Malachi 3:17, where God says He will have pity on those who revere Him "as a man has pity on his son who serves him." He says pity is placed next to love because Yeshayahu 63:9 puts them together: "In His love and in His pity He redeemed them." In these verses, love is shown by what God does: a parent's pity and rescue. After its opening lines, the prayer asks for teaching and understanding.
The prayer does not argue the case. It states the claim in its first words and then asks.
Yirmeyahu 31:2-3,Malachi 1:2 and 3:17,Yeshayahu 63:9,Abudarham, Blessings on the Shema,Rav Kook, Olat Re'iyah, Blessings of the Shema 6"Break the yoke of the nations." Is this a prayer against other people?
Read quickly, this line can sound like a wish for other nations to lose. The sources suggest looking at where the words come from.
Abudarham says two phrases in this part, "break the yoke" and "lead us upright," come from one verse, Vayikra 26:13: "I am Hashem your God, who took you out of Egypt, from being slaves to them. I broke the bars of your yoke and led you upright." There the yoke is slavery. Rashi, quoting the Sifra (an early collection of teachings on Vayikra), says the word for "upright" means standing tall.
The Gemara and the Rambam describe what the hope is. In Sanhedrin 99a, Shmuel says the only difference between this world and the days of Mashiach is "subjugation to kingdoms." The Rambam repeats it. A few paragraphs later he says what the sages and prophets did not long for: to have power over the whole world, to rule over other nations, or to be honored by the peoples. They longed to be free for Torah and its wisdom, with no oppressor and no one to interrupt.
The Rambam is not commenting on this prayer. But he says what the freedom was for.
These sources do not settle every question a modern reader might have about the line. In them, the yoke is rule over Israel by others, and the hope is freedom. The Rambam says outright that the hope is not to dominate anyone. If this line still bothers you, it is a fair one to bring to a teacher.
Abudarham, Blessings on the Shema,Vayikra 26:13, with Rashi,Sanhedrin 99a,Rambam, Laws of Kings and Wars 12:2 and 12:4